(2/2) i’m not Korean enough. I know I am, that this doesn’t make me any less of either race, but it still feels like I’ve got to prove I’m Korean somehow, because otherwise I don’t exist. I don’t know how to go about this? I’m trying to teach myself the language, but my relationship with my mom is making it hard to justify learning it for myself I guess. Any advice? :(
Anonymous asked: i'm having a hard time getting to know my Korean culture because of my tense relationship with my mom. I don't connect with my white side at all; i've never met any white family members until I was in 8th grade, and it felt weird to meet them, so I guess I connect more with my Korean side. A lot of people say I look either Russian or Spanish, and it pisses me off so much; I get that from other Korean kids too. Regardless of which parent I grew up with, it's like everyone thinks (1/2)
Unfortunately Anon there really is no way to “prove” that you are Korean. Like the proof is in the pudding, you are Korean, that’s really it. People who want you to pull out a birth certificate, pictures of your mom and speak the language to prove to them that you really are Korean aren’t worth your time or energy. Learn the language because you want to, not because you have something to prove. I know it’s awful to live a life where everyone is trying to erase the reality of your existence but don’t connect to your heritage to spite them. You own it, do it for yourself. You don’t need a good relationship with your mother to justify learning your own language. Anon, just do whatever makes you feel most comfortable, don’t feel that you need to prove yourself to other people. If learning the language makes you happy and makes you feel connected then do it. if you need any help along the way reach out to Korean people who are not toxic and as always we will be here for you too.- Melody
I Am Filipina.
I’m Filipina and grew up in the south of the USA. I believe my last name originates from Spanish, Italian and Portuguese. It’s more well known to be Spanish, however.
When I was younger, I used to be proud to be a Filipina, I would have no problem saying my race. And I would have no problem with my skin color or the way I looked. Eventually, growing up, I began to look around and begin to ponder about races. I thought, “Where are the rest of the Filipinos?” I would look around surrounded by white people wondering why I wasn’t white too. I soon wondered why I wasn’t born white, and why I wasn’t as pretty as the others who surrounded me. I thought I was ugly because I wasn’t white. (Let me clarify a bit: I did NOT think others who weren’t white were ugly. I just wondered why I myself wasn’t white. Because I thought it was “normal”. Almost all my friends were white, I had little to none that were Asian, even. I didn’t think everyone needs to be white, and of course I still do not.) I wondered where the Filipinos were on TV and where they were to begin with. People would constantly ask me where the Philippines was and I’d wonder, “Well, how could you not know where the Philippines are?”
Soon enough, I was in middle school. People would again ask me about my race, of course. They’d get confused because of my Spanish last name. Every time I said my race, people would dismiss it. They would say, “Oh, so basically you’re a Mexican.” No. I am not Mexican. I am Filipina. They’ve even said, “So you’re basically the blacks of Asia?” They would continue to make fun of me because of my race. They would continuously just address me as a Mexican. I’d ask myself why would people say such things. I began to hate myself a lot. I even began to be extremely dismissive of my own race, and I began to hate it. When others would say they were Filipino, I would cringe. I used to stay away from TFC(The Filipino Channel), I’d be embarrassed when my parents began talking in Tagalog, and I’d even avoid eating any Filipino dishes. I was ashamed. I was a racist to my own race.
Even now, people are quick to judge about my race. And they won’t stop dismissing me. The other day I was called a “Mexican slut” simply because I got mad at someone for interrupting a conversation I was having with someone. I’m afraid to say what race I am, and I’m even afraid to talk about any Asian culture. Whenever a subject revolving around Asian culture comes up, people look to me. People judge me for being Asian, and they judge me for being Filipina. They ridicule me for my grades and choices. Any time I slip up they say, “I thought you were smart, you’re Asian, aren’t you?” When I’m assigned into a group to work with in school, the first thing that’s said to me is, “Awesome! We got the Asian, now we don’t have to do work!” Shut up. Stop talking, just stop. The more people say these things, the more they stereotype me, the more I feel like giving up. I feel like not trying anymore. And I have, I really have stopped trying. They continue to say I’m a Mexican, but group me with Asians anyhow. It doesn’t make any sense to me, and it makes me furious. Even other Asians have ridiculed me for my race. Less crude people haven’t dismissed my race, but they do choose to just call me Chinese instead “because it’s simpler”.
I am not ashamed of my race any longer. But I am afraid of being ridiculed. I am afraid of being made fun of again. Almost nobody who goes to school with me right now even knows what race I am. I stay quiet to avoid being ridiculed. The people I’ve told laughed in my face. One of them was even Asian.